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chandradevi
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read my profile
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Name: Wouldn't you like to know
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Dayton
Birthday: 9/17/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Art- pasteling, painting, sketching, doodling, etching, photographing, ceramic making, carving, sculpting, etc.
Math- All except geometry, which is a waste of time.
English- poetry, prose, reading, writing, analyzing.
Music- singing.
People- relating with them, watching them relate with others, analyzing behaviors, etc.
Philosophy,
Leonardo DaVinci,
Frida Kahlo,
Pablo Picasso,
Most importantly... chocolate
Expertise: Thinking
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  spartaci7
Yahoo:  the_true_swedish_fish@hotmail.com
Member Since:
2/20/2005
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| I figure it's time to post something... anything. I'm just breathing for now. | | |
| Chris and I have come to an agreement that we can make out with other people, because we're still young, and it's unfair for us to save our making out skills for just each other.  I'm just kidding, but we can make out with other people, becuse we need some freedom. That's something that both of us are okay with. As long as we're both honest about what happens. No sex though, which is okay with us. Either way, I want someone to make out with. There was this guy that I was hoping to make out with, but he had to leave where we were to return the car. Oh well. | | |
| It's been about 2 months. I had my runes read last night. I asked if I'd ever have a relationship with my dad, and the reading was intense. This woman, her name is Ayla, she hit the nail on the head with the past and present. What should come to pass was clear and it helped a lot. I feel less obligated to feel a certain way about my dad, which helps. I miss MVS. I am thinking about it now a lot, because it's about the time of graduation, and I haven't seen a lot of people since I graduated, and it's utterly depressing. On a lighter note, I am going to start selling Pure Romance soon. I need to figure out a day to have a fun party, so ladies 18 and older, give me a holler about when you are free. I'm thinking mid-June, not on a weekend, because I work most of them. | | |
| Okay. I have complained about my dad, so that is off my chest. I am sick of complaining, so I don't think that I'm going to do much of it anymore. Maybe on here, because this is my outlet, but I just want to do. I'm sick of sitting by and waiting for things to happen. I am going to make them happen. I want to be successful, so I will be. Sometimes it takes a while to learn a lesson, because you need to grasp pretty much everything so that it doesn't come again. You know how you look at things one time, and then months later you look at it again and it is something completely different? It's the same with learning from mistakes or experiences. I also want to talk about forgiveness. There is no reason to harbor anything in your heart to hurt someone else, or to manipulate someone else. It just hurts you. That's something I have known for a while, but what I didn't know was what forgiveness was. It is being able to say, "Thank you for giving me this experience, even though it may have hurt me, or made me angry... thank you." I'm getting there with my dad. I'm holding him accountable for the things he has done, but I am also getting to a point where I am glad that they happened, because it has taught me. It has also given me opportunities that I wouldn't have had otherwise. Take the dependency appeal. I wouldn't have gotten it if I had not been abused (not physical) by my parents. Now I have the opportunity to go to college on my own, and not worry about someone riding me about payments, or anything. I am embracing my changes, and I want to mature more. I don't want to be the person that things happen to. I want to be the person that makes things happen. Any questions? | | |
| He intentionally hurt me on a daily basis while I was living with him. Those who have heard me complain before may go down to the smiley faces and read on. My father neglected me. He wouldn't take me to the doctor. He told me in action and word, that I wasn't good enough. He scheduled my knee surgeries for after I graduated, so that he wouldn't be completely financially responsible. He would hold me responsible for his financial debt, because I went to a private school, (where we got lots of financial aid) and it was Oh so expensive. Then he pretends to sacrifice so much to send me to said school, when it was court ordered for me to go there. Meaning... if he didn't send me there, he could go to jail. That is a powerful incentive for "sacrifice." He is not a nice man. Needless to say, I don't care for him very much. I moved out at the beginning of July, shortly before my knee surgeries. He has personally attacked me via email ever since. I want very little to do with him right now.                             
The most recent reason I want almost nothing to do with him is this. He told me that he would be claiming me as a dependent on taxes. Those of you who read when I update, you know I filed my dependency appeal and got it. Him claiming me as a dependent would jeopardize that. He emails me with lots of personal attacks, and I ignore them to stay on the issue: whether or not he will be claiming me as a dependent. I get this email this morning: Wow Kristen, you have been well coached. I wonder who that may be? I never stated that I intended to claim you as a dependent. I just wanted to hear some reason why I shouldn't, based hopefully, on some introspection on your part. I guess that would be too much to hope for. And just how would you know what a 'good' parent would do? Sometimes a 'good' parent would just let you fail or face what the culmination of poor choices. And did you pay for you school through the end of the school year? What about the collection calls I have been receiving regarding the bills you have paid? In any case Kristen, rest assured that we have no intention of claiming you as a dependent. As I stated earlier I never said I was going to claim you. You should have read more closely and maybe considered and been more deliberate in your response. I really wanted to see the color of your coat, and your response certainly showed me that. Your were insulting and moderately threatening, asserting your independence while maintaining the guise of the victim. Very revealing. Look up the word sophistry and try to avoid it in the future. You need to make arrangements for the rest of your stuff by the end of April or we will throw it away. And since you are so independent, maybe you should find another way to get insurance. I am sure that would go a long way in proving your autonomy. You have made certain choices by responding the way you chose to. There were so many other ways you could have done this and you have chosen a well marked path towards the destruction of a relationship. I am not unaware of my own contribution, and i certainly do not need you to tell me what I have done and not done, I have heard most if not all from you about that and I have addressed most of these issues, and in many of these, we are going to have to agree to disagree. You, however, have addressed none of the issues I have raised except with vague, blanket, insincere apologies with no real acknowledgment or indication of awareness of your responsibility.
Again, I encourage you to read carefully, deliberate and be introspective. Avoid the solipsism and sophistry. Do this on your own Kristen, without the coaching. Be the autonomous independent person you are striving to be, but do it honestly and unselfishly. We do want you to be successful both personally and professionally and are, in fact, proud that you are going to school and doing something with your life. I just wish you had been more honest and forthright in your leaving as well as all the subsequent 'stuff' because it sets a very dangerous tone for the rest of you life and calls into question your credibility as an adult. Sincerely, Dad I sent him this as a response: Dad, When you said "We will be claiming your dependent status for last year on the taxes," you had no intention of doing so? That isn't very becoming either, and you preach to me about sophistry. Now don't you understand why I thought you were claiming me? I was hysterical, because I saw the opportunity of going to college fly away again, which I would do everything in my power to stop. If you never had any intention of claiming me, why did you so blatantly say so? If you wanted introspection, why didn't you ask me by saying, "Kristen, I was wondering if there are any reasons of why I shouldn't claim you on taxes. How have you grown? What have you done to improve your life?" or something of the sort. What you did was... well... mean. I don't really appreciate it either. I also don't appreciate the personal attacks. I haven't personally attacked you, you may not like what I have said at times, but I have never blatantly tried to put you on defensive. Despite how I might sound to you, my intention has been to remain calm in writing, even if I am hysterical on the other side of the computer. I find it funny that you personally attacked me in the way that you did and at the time that you did. That wasn't very nice, dad. I don't want the destruction of our relationship, but how you have treated me has made me question if that is what you want. I am going to seek counseling specifically for this issue, and there will be a time that I will invite you to join me so that you can really listen to what I have to say, instead of reading and making your own interpretation. Maybe we can come to some true understanding, and maybe you can find what you have been looking for in me. Is that something you would consider doing? Kristen
Despite the tone of my email, and of this entry, I am positively enraged. I reach a point in extreme anger where I just calm down. I don't yell. I don't throw things. I might cry, but that is all. I wish I could find a way to express my anger, but alas, there is nothing. My body is itching to do harm to someone or something. I will not lose control, but I so desperately want to. UPDATE: Today is Friday, and I am not enraged anymore... maybe a little tweaked, but definitely not enraged. I see where he was going with this, and I see his motivations. Albeit, he is a complete jackass, but I am not enraged. I will hold him accountable for all he has done to me, whether he likes it or not. Oh well. On to bigger and better things... without him. The one thing I wish he would understand is that being a father isn't a right, even if he did donate half of me. It is a gift. | | |
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